AdFind Your Special Someone Online. Choose the Right Dating Site & Start Now! · 9 Tips for Online Dating After 50 1. Online Dating is a Numbers Game, So It’s Time to Play. It’s time to get over the stigma that only desperate Estimated Reading Time: 9 mins 69, My boyfriend and I broke up. Up until the last second of our relationship he insisted that he still loves me. Yet the very next day he was back online dating. And no, I wasn't on there AdAttractive travel companions come to you! Try a new approach to companionship. There's a reason we have over twenty million members worldwide. Join Free & find out why! AdView Photos of Single People in Your Area. Sign up Today and Start Dating! Connect with Beautiful Singles Who Are Looking for Love. Join Now!Simple Matching Process · Single Men & Women · % Satisfaction · Guaranteed DatesTypes: Singles Over 40, Seniors Dating, Mature Singles ... read more
I cried and told him how much I love him and that it didn't have to be this way. I could see he couldn't do this anymore but was having a hard time saying it all. He said relationships are work but shouldn't be this much of a struggle. He seemed so concerned with his needs not being met, yet previously he had told me I was the only person who's ever been able to meet his needs physically, mentally, and emotionally when things were good anyway.
My needs were not being met at that point either but I was still trying to make him happy and I overlooked a lot because I love him so much. The thing is, he used to tell me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, marry me, that I was his perfect match, the best he ever had, the best thing that ever happened to him, that he would always be there for me and never give up on me, and yet that's exactly what he did when things got bad, he gave up.
Up until the very end he insisted that he still loved me and I said if he did he wouldn't be doing this and he would fix it with me. Then he got very angry with me for saying that wasn't true. I gathered my things, gave him back my key to his house, and left. I still can't help but feel devastated. When things were good, they were beyond amazing. When they were bad they were really bad. But why throw away something that could have been that amazing again?
What we had before all of this arguing was something that's hard to come by. I guess he just couldn't handle it anymore. I hated the arguing too.
It was so sad and it hurt like hell. I feel like a lot of the arguing was about little things that turned into big things. It wasn't an issue of core values or anything like that. I still wish it could have been resolved and think it could have if he gave it more of a chance rather than take on the attitude of when things get difficult to try less, or so it seemed, although he says he was trying but admits not as much as could have toward the end.
The way he was at the end was really horrible. I thought about writing him a letter and letting him know that I still love him and that I'm sorry while acknowledging that things were over but still wishing him the best just to get some closure. Then I thought about asking him if he would like to try to be friends someday although it's too soon.
But I would always want more. And he has moved on or at least it appears that he is trying to. I guess that is a bad idea? I really want him to be happy but I need to be, too. Is the letter or asking for friendship down the road a bad idea? Are either a good idea? Or should I just say nothing ever? I'm hurting so much. I'm probably not thinking right and I don't know what the right answer is.
Ok hon, I got half way down the page reading your second reply and realized something. You and he didn't have an online relationship, right? He just made an online profile after the break up, correct? I was under the assumption that you and he hadn't met before. I was WAY off base there. We guys do it sometimes. Just like stupidly you made a profile, guys can do it too. After break up, when you are depression, you just make a profile, go out to make feel good about yourself.
Doesn't necessarily mean seriously searching. Molly, no. We didn't have an online or long distance relationship or anything like that.
It was in person and we did just about everything together. And yes, he reactivated an old online dating profile the day after the break up. Itachi, thank you for your input as well. I just can't grasp why someone would insist that they still love me and yet be looking for someone else the next day. I tried for a matter of hours and that was days after the break up and it made me feel sick inside. I'm having a hard time understanding. To me that action means that he doesn't still love me and it feels even worse that he claimed so strongly that he still does up through the very end.
That was the last thing he said to me, well second to last. I had responded that that must not be true anymore or he would fix this with me. The last thing he said was just an angry response that affirming that what he said was true. It doesn't add up in my head. It just feels so much worse.
Suppose a guy, in that site, asked you out. What you'l say if you need to be honest? You'l just say that, you are still in love with your ex and not ready for a relationship right? But what this new guy will think? He'l think, if this girl loved her ex, why the hack she made a dating profile the very next day after break up? I guess, may be i didn't look good, or she wasn't interested in me So my point is, stop making conclusion because you can never know the truth unless you ask.
Leave it at that. Sometimes things get so bogged down, that even when you try to work hard at fixing things, there's so much negativity clouding your mind, with all the issues here and there, you can't do anything.
This is when you need to step back and take a break, and sort things out. I have a good idea that this is what he is doing. And to answer your question, yes men do things differently than we do.
His online profile is his rebound action, so to speak. Nobody can turn their feelings off like a light switch. Of course he still loves you.
He may not understand things right now, but I'm sure he still cares deeply. It will take time for him to sort his feelings out. Itachi, I would never it let it get that far. It was a momentary lapse in judgement that lasted a matter of hours because I felt like I should be trying to move on since he is.
It wasn't in anger that I did this. I was just at a loss and don't know what to do I can't ask. I could but I doubt it would go very well which is why I am here. Molly, it felt pretty final. He didn't want to sort things out then when we had the chance. If he did he would have done that with me previously I think. It felt like I was trying to sort things out and it was too late in his mind.
I wish he still felt even a fraction of the love for me that I feel for him but I think the amount of fighting may have just killed it entirely. If he did I don't think this would have happened? I don't know. Anyway, should I drop off the letter I mentioned saying I'm sorry and that I still love him even though i recognize our relationship has passed and wish him the best? Or should I suggest maybe a future friendship when things settle a bit?
even though i would always want more and it would be very difficult and i don't even know if either of us could do that? It doesn't matter how long your profile is up there or to what extent you could have allowed. But you can't control what may this other guy may think, do you?
True or not, nothing good will come from it. You'l be just punishing yourself. The sooner you'l leave it, the sooner you'l get the peace it. Hi your story is so similar to mine.. I'm still low but my ex did exactly the same to me on-line dating as soon as we broke up but continued to flirt with me via email and play mind games it was like he got ego boost cos he knew I still loved him.. I have now not responded to him or contact him not for him but for me and Its better for me this way as mentally he was hurting me when we were in contact.
Maybe he will realise his behaviour and try to win me back.. A member told me If they truly love you they will fight for you that's true love but if they don't do we actually want to spend any more time on loving them and getting nothing back or moving on and becoming stronger. I know which one I want do you? It also sounds like you are blaming yourself to much it is him that has the issues not you..
Work on you and if he fights to win you back great but if he doesn't you can only keep going it will get better even my situation will in time..
how I know this? I have been through it before it does get easier. Listen I went thru this all my other half said we were done and made a profile etc, A few days later cooled down and got over it Just give it time and don't be pushey you will be ok everyone come back.
How are you now? I see this post was a year ago and before I say anything to you, I wanted to see how your feelings and the situation have evolved. I am going through exactly what you described and this is why I am reaching out to you. I hope you get this message girl and hope your heart has healed Wow this is my exact problem at the moment so glad I dont feel alone in this my bf and i dated for 2.
Our relationship started going south the last few months we had next to no trust.. small arguments almost every week many misunderstandings.. anyhow, we reached an end point and called it quits but still had the occasional text, n even went to a movie for "the last time" But i knew it was complicating things so i told him we had to stop so we entered the no contact rule. On a side note in the past that he admitted that when single or trying tofet over someone he goes on online dating sites because its a good distraction, etc I don't have anything against people who choose to use those sites because I've heard many success stories.
My current issue is the same as the original post my ex created a profile literally the next day after we broke up and even angrily showed me as proof that he had the app active such a blow to my face felt so hurt because i was begging him to reconsider and not use it if he felt there was any chance left he said he was done a few days later he started sending me old love songs of ours and it just made me feel more confused because it was like he was having his cake, and eating it too I tried not to reply but when I eventually did, my anger came out commenting on how low he was to use that site that he has no respect etc truthfully, I said it all in anger..
but all that did was make him feel more certain that I was "crazy" and he's glad we ended we ate in a cycle of saying goodbye, to sending a brief msg, to getting mad, n then not speaking i know the obvious thing to do is ignore but I dont know whether we are doing that because we should still try but part of me feels so hurt like maybe he is only messaging because he isn't liking the girls online I don't know ugh help.
I originally wrote this post a couple of years ago. Here's an update and what I've learned in those two years. Follow my advice if you don't want to end up in a situation similar to mine.
So after I wrote this I was alone for a while and stopped talking to him. We each dated another person in between for a few months each. After all of that ended we started talking again. He took a job a thousand miles away and asked me to come out. I did. the first day there he said he made a mistake with me and it was the biggest regret of his life and asked me to marry him. I stupidly accepted and believed him.
I went home and left my career and everything in my life and packed up my things and gave a long notice at work, to go be with him because he was the love of my life, so I thought. When I got there I found out he cheated on me before I even got there while we were engaged, it was with some girl he met online. I forgave him because I loved him and had already given up everything for him. We were going to get married next year but did much sooner because I got pregnant.
Things had been going downhill for a while anyway. It was all the same stuff as before and I should have known. Then I found out he had an Ashley Madison account. He lied about that, too, and literally everything else. Everything about him was a lie. He kicked me out while I was pregnant after a huge fight.
He said the most horrible things that I wouldn't even say to my worst enemy and blamed everything on me. I then went a thousand miles away back because I didn't have anywhere else to go and promptly had an awful miscarriage alone. He kept telling me he still loved me and we would work this out and be a happy family but eventually that stopped. Then he said he didn't love me anymore last month and wanted a divorce. Then a week later he said he does love me.
He flips back and forth all the time. You can never even be sure what's real and what's not. Now I gave up everything for him and he left me with less than nothing. I have no career, my friends are gone now, my baby is dead, I have no marriage, all I have are broken hopes and dreams, and now I'm getting older and I feel like it's just too late to start over.
I'm just sitting here waiting for a divorce. He was just selfish and manipulative. He never did any of the things he promised. What I learned from the online dating bs while you're together is that if someone is going to do that to you while you're in a relationship with you, don't think they won't do it again, or that they won't cheat on you. They will if given the opportunity. At the time I forgave him, but this was just a little hint of what was to come.
It was just a sign. I wish I knew that then. If they do that they clearly have absolutely no respect for you. Don't even waste your time. If they keep looking online and keep talking to you while you're breaking up, they're just keeping you around until they find something better. You're just their back-up plan. I wish I knew that and saw it back then. I wish I listened to people but the truth hurt and I didn't want to see it.
He seemed like the greatest guy on the outside but all of his little indiscretion became quite clear and his true self was awful. I still struggle and think that I love him, but what I really loved was the person he used to be, or at least the person I thought he was, but that person hasn't been around for a long time and maybe he never was. I loved the life we were supposed to have together, but he always just gave up on everything instead of fixing anything.
The bottom line is, even if you love him, let him go if he's doing things like that and treating you that way. If he has no respect for you and would do something like that, find someone you love who DOES love you back and SHOWS it, not just says it.
Find someone who DOES respect you and treats you the way you treat them and deserve to be treated. Weigh what you're giving and what you're actually getting in return. Write it down, you may be surprised at what you actually see on paper. Someone who really loves you will be an equal and treat you with dignity and respect. Someone who loves you will fight for you and fight through the bad with you and work it out. They will love you through through the good times AND the bad.
They won't selfishly do things that will knowingly hurt you, instead they will emotionally support you, and you them. If even one person reads this and says to themselves, you're right, I've been through the same thing, and finds the courage to do what's right for them rather than keep trying to save something with someone who will never treat them they way they deserve, then my job is done here. Just remember, you are worth it and you deserve love and respect in your equal.
Part of me thinks it's too late for me to start over but eventually that may happen. It's just hard to ever trust anyone again after this.
I don't know if I ever will. But if I ever do, I will never make the same mistakes again and will never stand for someone treating me like this. The worst part is that people like this don't take responsibility for their actions.
They loved to turn things around and blame it on you. Even when he cheated on me it was somehow my fault as far as he was concerned.
Don't ever let them try to make you think it's your fault when they are the ones doing awful things. It's not your fault. Don't look back. Find someone who loves you, respects you, and will stand up for you and your relationship.
Find someone with integrity who you can trust. If you can't have trust to build a relationship on you essentially have nothing. Don't settle for less. Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am to hear what you went through that is incredibly strong of you to have experienced such an unfortunate series of events, but still remain strong to share your story in hopes of helping another.
Thank you so so much for being truthful in this all, shedding light to prove, and sharing your final thoughts I am almost speechless, as I am so hurt that you had to go through that. Please hold your head up and know that despite how horrible that experience was, that everything happens for a reason and is a lesson learned.
Never look back and regret - you were meant to go through that to REALLY know what to do and further clarify what you want and deserve Do not lose hope based on your age not sure how old you are but that is nothing but a number. Friends come and go in life in general, whether they come back or not is also part of the fate you can make new friends if you allow yourself to feel worthy get a new job even if it is not exactly what you want at the moment it opens the door in taking the first step in building a new future new job will lead to new co-workers who can potentially become friends and possibly a new prospect in a partner who knows?
My point is please take your own advice in knowing "you are worth it and you deserve love and respect in your equal" do not lose hope. You have proven to be such a strong woman to go through what you have gone through, and still stand tall and strong - I am certain some lucky guy will see that light in you! As for my situation - you are completely right. I know everyone will have different outcomes and all, but I agree that sometimes we need to note the signs and stop ignoring them because we are blinded by the feeling, the comfort, etc.
It is sometimes hard to separate the feelings especially when so much investment has gone in but I guess it is all part of the bigger picture in what we are meant to experience. As an update on my end, I went to get all my things the past weekend from this place, and we have not kept communication.
Although, he DID just message this morning re. the weather conditions I know it is just his way to check in but again, I know that keeping any contact is doing no good.. and essentially erases progress made apart so fingers crossed for me!
Good luck with your next steps and please feel free to comment back if you need to vent or whatever on here definitely here to help as you have for me. You're a beautiful person for coming back to share. Thank you. Every word you said is the truth. I feel so much compassion for you and any others going through this. Read 'Baggage Reclaim' It confirms everything you said. Thank you for having the courage to share.
I have been going through this for 4 years only to be told I don't love you and I was using you. On again, off again I will see if he fights for me this time around. Thanks for updating this story. Even if it's not really you who did the update, this kind of made me realize to just move on.
Yesterday my boyfriend basically broke up with me and decided to we are not compatible , so I asked him "are you breaking up with me? I love you a lot I love you soooo much. I talked to my friends about this, and they said some guys just are that way, they just won't end it the proper way because they keep you as a back up plan.
They are cowardly and don't want to be the one to end it. After reading about your story, I realize there is no turning back, if he won't properly end it, I will be the bigger person and do it. I am totally done with this BS. It's difficult and hard to be alone; I am feeling it right now. Its hard to move forward but we MUST. we can't let crappy messed up people make us feel this way and ruin our life.
We must continue on, and NEVER give up on ourselves. We have this one precious life and we are GOOD, Kind, loving women who just let the wrong SELFISH person into our lives. If anyones reading this now, you are the most important person and no one should treat you like that.
You may be experiencing pain now, but know that it can only get better from her. That's what I'm trying to tell myself. I just close my eyes and imagine everything I want in your life right now a family, kids, friends, career and happy memories. Imagine what it would be like, and use that to keep you going and keep you living everyday. There's this one youtube nooma video that I saw and it really stuck with me, but he quotes this verse "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
I'm trying hard to practice what I preach, it won't be easy, but I won't give up on myself and knowing how great I am, please don't give up on yourselves too. Don't let their bad character make you miserable. Take it day by day. Thanks again so much for sharing your story, you really made me feel more empowered to move on and be a strong person. I am going to move on and stop trying to see if he's online and look at his profile It's not worth my time anymore.
THANK YOU. Wow i guess everyone goes through the same things. Were all strong woman though you know? The love of my life cheated on me and we loved each other like no other those dating sites are horrible anyone can make one.
I dealt with that we met when we were both Okay well he cheated on me so i did the same it back fired on me now i have a beautiful baby. I cant say that things are any different with my new guy.
After we got into an argument broke up he sent me pictures of the girls he had messaged!! Like who tf does that. that should lead you to all his apps that he is using. thats how i learned by my own.
If he doesnt have any good for you guys. but i learned DTA dont trust anyone. But make sure you dont spend any of your money on your guys.
And check his profile if he hides it more than likely hes doing something behind your back. And honestly i felt so in love with my ex at 16 assumed i was in "love". but far as i know the reason i probably felt that way was because he was coming home to me at night and i got to lay with him do everything together.
The worst is feeli g so comfortable looking into eachothers eyes. That sense of security. But that was lie to. i'm such a hypocrite. i know my "ex" has done bad things we've been together 11 months and its long distance. Everything was ok, but we got into a big fight last month, and i texted him things like "I"m not a priority for you.
don't ever call me again. I'm over it. THen two days later I tried calling him and texting him and he wouldn't pick up for 1 week.
He just texted me, "you said its over". Give yourself some time to heal and process what happened. You have to realize that the last person you dated is no longer there. Too often after a breakup, people tend to have a rigid checklist of what they want, and it tends to be the exact person they split up with.
Allow your mind to be open and realize things are going to be different. It just means that you need to be open to meeting new people and letting them be their own person. If there is one universal tip that we can give you that supersedes all the rest, it would be this one.
Take your time. In fact, breakups and some time alone can be extremely helpful for you to get to know the number one person in your life yourself a lot better. This is a great thing but can be an issue if you let it get out of control. Remember, turtle speed is much better than rabbit speed. The matches you meet should be patient and ok with taking your time.
Make sure that you are honest with yourself and willing to admit that you may need to take a bigger step back. There are plenty of quality singles out there just waiting to meet you, and they will still be there if it takes you weeks, months, or even years to be ready to get back out there.
Written By: Jason Lee. Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance.
When I found myself separated at 50, it was a huge adjusting to single life again. The lessons learned over the next few months of online dating after 50 were eye-opening not just for me, but for quite a few of my other single friends.
There were quite a few friends who had to move forward on the wrong side of And then there were those who were just curious about how I was dealing with dating in the age of Tinder and ghosting and micro cheating. For the record, I moved to Melbourne from Singapore via Perth when I turned The only people I knew were colleagues and an old boyfriend.
After a while, I felt like I was in a soap opera because I was dating from the pool that were friends of friends. That means that doing online dating was a less radical step for me than for most people.
It meant I knew what to do to get past the first online conversations. I had also traveled extensively for work, so I also knew how to organize meetups in safe locations and what to do to give myself the greatest opportunity face-to-face. I was encouraged by a friend to go online because she had done it herself. I enthusiastically signed up on a couple of dating sites , and what happened after is the basis for this little guide.
This is not the easiest question to answer, I grant you. But it would help if you could figure out if you just want to date casually or whether you looking to find your life partner.
My ego was dented because I had just turned 50, and my husband had met a younger woman 15 years younger than me online. So I wanted a boost. Your online dating profile begins with a good photo with just you, no one else. If you have a good selfie, use it.
If not, ask a trusted friend to take one. The photo should be a half-body shot, not just your face. If the site allows for several photos, have one full body shot, and one of you in your favorite be truthful environment. If you love the beach, have a photo taken there. Be clear in your description. If you want to go dancing, say that. If you like hiking, say so.
I got a lot of responses from men in different states, or those in regional areas. If that works for you, then great. Set up parameters that are exactly what you want. But be prepared to be flexible, because your guy may not come from within those parameters. Not all the ones that I shortlisted ended up being interested in me, so I adjusted the requirements.
The genuine ones will respond. The shy ones might be patient. I had many who I could tell had viewed my profile over and over again, but did not reply or reach out. I had many who sent an initial message that was offensive or made me uncomfortable. You can block and report them. There were those, however, which made me realize why they were looking for love online. I had to reject them. Others though were nice but not right. If within the first messages it feels right, then give him your number.
Be brave. You can always block later. Take a risk. If you want to have a more intimate encounter…. But be clear what this is. I met quite a few men early.
The first was sweet but I was bored. I tried to gently let him down so I continued texting, which was probably unkind in the long run. Others were clearly not right as we turned out to be mutually unattracted. I talked to quite a few on the phone.
One man was so attractive on the phone, but he never really tried to meet up. I dated someone who was smart and attractive and affectionate but we never really had a good conversation. He had a difficult family situation, and I began to wonder whether he was really separated.
He eventually told me he had met someone who was someone he had been looking for all his life. In the meantime, I had met someone else. He is not at all what I was looking for. We have such chemistry and I have grown so much since being with him. We have no idea what the future will hold since our pasts are complex and have scarred us both.
We are living in the moment. And that is what I wish for you. To find happiness with the moments that you have in your adventures. Surina Rahman Wills, born in Singapore, Australian by choice and global citizen by instinct. About the Author Surina Rahman Wills, born in Singapore, Australian by choice and global citizen by instinct. Comments Great post. Leave a Reply Cancel reply.
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AdOnline Date - Fast & Easy Registration. iDates - Match, Chat & Flirt. Thousands of Local Women Looking to Meet Up. Start Chatting, Flirting & Dating Now. Easy!Fast & Easy Registration · Intuitive App & Website · Highly Active UsersService catalog: Free Registration, Fuss Free Mobile App, Customer Support, No Adverts AdView Photos of Single People in Your Area. Sign up Today and Start Dating! Connect with Beautiful Singles Who Are Looking for Love. Join Now!Simple Matching Process · Single Men & Women · % Satisfaction · Guaranteed DatesTypes: Singles Over 40, Seniors Dating, Mature Singles AdFind Your Special Someone Online. Choose the Right Dating Site & Start Now! · 9 Tips for Online Dating After 50 1. Online Dating is a Numbers Game, So It’s Time to Play. It’s time to get over the stigma that only desperate Estimated Reading Time: 9 mins 69, My boyfriend and I broke up. Up until the last second of our relationship he insisted that he still loves me. Yet the very next day he was back online dating. And no, I wasn't on there AdAttractive travel companions come to you! Try a new approach to companionship. There's a reason we have over twenty million members worldwide. Join Free & find out why! ... read more
Be clear in your description. Our Online Dating Biology? I tried to gently let him down so I continued texting, which was probably unkind in the long run. even though i would always want more and it would be very difficult and i don't even know if either of us could do that? you can make new friends if you allow yourself to feel worthy I know everyone will have different outcomes and all, but I agree that sometimes we need to note the signs and stop ignoring them because we are blinded by the feeling, the comfort, etc.Words alone are not enough and can be deceiving, online dating after. Even if it's not really you who did the update, this kind of made me realize to online dating after move on. Don't look back. Friends come and go in life in general, whether they come back or not is also part of the fate I pray i pass and don't fail because of this